Forgiveness vs. "Forgetness"



Forgiveness vs. Forgetness
I realize that forgetness is not a real word, but it has been a word in my vocabulary for many years. Like most people I have experienced some very significant hurts in my lifetime and like most people there have been times when I have struggled to forgive those who have hurt me. After my last blog you will realize that I tend to fall on the side of forgiving more, rather than less. Thought it is not easy to forgive, I think it is even more difficult to forget. (Can I get an "Amen" to that?)

I find there are two questions that run through my mind when I am dealing with forgetness.
1. Am I supposed to forget what happened?
2. If I am supposed to forget what happened, how do I do that?

Well, to our relief the Bible does offer some counsel on this subject. Really it does.

Question 1
"Am I supposed to forget what happened?"

Behold, I send you out as sheep in the midst of wolves; so be as shrewd as serpents and as innocent as doves.  Matthew 10:16

What do we know about the relationship between sheep and wolves? It's pretty simple. Wolves think sheep are tasty. It would behoove (he, he, he behoove) us as sheep to walk into the world prepared. Part of that preparation is learning from the past. If we have been hurt, naturally we will remember. By no means should we hold a grudge, but by all means we should learn from our past and apply what we have learned to our future. We should be as shrewd as serpents and as innocent as doves.  Wisely learn from your past. Wisely apply it to your future.

Question2
"If I am supposed to forget what happened,  how do I do that?"

Okay, this is the part where you have some control of what you forget. Perhaps forgetting here isn't so much a one time deal, but an ongoing choice.

Finally brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things.  Philippians 4:8

Forgetness is a choice. Yep. It is a choice. What do you spend your time thinking on? Is it true? Is it honorable? Is it right? Is it pure? Is it lovely or of good repute? Is it excellent or praise worthy?

This is probably the area which I have struggled the most. I struggled so much, I thought maybe I didn't really forgive. In my head I would know that I forgave. I know I offered forgiveness. I know  when I gave the forgiveness the burden was lifted from my life. I felt it. I would later become so disappointed with myself. Why did the memories plague me? Why couldn't I forget? See Philippians 4:8. I can almost guarantee if you are struggling with forgetting the past and moving on with the future you are not applying Philippians 4:8.

Satan will try to replay those terrible memories over and over in your mind. It is up to you, with God's Holy Spirit power to "take every thought captive" (2 Corinthians10:5b).  It is not easy to do, but it is not impossible. Start praying as soon as the negative thoughts and memories start to surface. Give them to God and ask for His strength to choose your thoughts, using Philippians 4:8 as your guide for what to dwell upon. Do not dwell on the unchangeable past. Dwell on what is excellent and praise worthy.

Many times the forgiveness comes easier than the forgetness. It is my prayer that if you steep yourself in the promises of God that you will be able to truly experience the forgetness you need to live a life free painful past memories.

Forgiveness 1

"And forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors."
Matthew 6:12

This is one that I have spent years and years working on, and continue to do so to this very day. Of course I want God to forgive my debts! Who doesn't want that?  The question is, "Do I want to forgive others the way I want Christ to forgive me?" It is one of the basic Christian directives that we all know we must comply with, but also one with which we struggle on our journey toward heaven.

The subject of forgiveness has come up several times this past week while I was at work, in my travels, and even in my home. It seems there are currently two camps regarding the logistics of forgiveness. My boss and I were discussing these the other day. I am not sure which camp I am in some days. I still waffle back and forth between the two depending on the day and the scripture reference.

Camp 1:  "As a Christian I should forgive everyone, at all times, no matter what the offense.

Camp 2: "As a Christian I need to forgive as Christ forgives. As a believer I came to Him, confessed my sins and asked His forgiveness. I need to forgive those who have sought my forgiveness as I sought Christ's forgiveness.

They both sound plausible.  They both make me think hard....hard enough to get a headache. (Could someone get me some Tylenol? I think I am going to need it.)

I am going to try and "unpack" these camps here.  As I look at scripture I see two "different" kinds of forgiveness. This is by no means a conclusive list of what each of these camps entail, but they are my lists of my "out loud thinking/typing". Feel free to chime in with your own thoughts on either or both camps. I am certainly not done thinking on this myself and welcome any further insight.

Camp 1
Jesus is our example of forgiveness. In John 4:7-38 we read the account of the Samaritan woman at the well. Though Jesus talks with her and she believes in Him, she does not ask Him for forgiveness. She does ask Him for the living water, but not specifically for forgiveness. Was she forgiven by Christ at that time? She went back to town and spread the word about Him. Did he forgive her? Did she realize she should ask for forgiveness?

In John 8, we read about the adulterous woman. When all is said and done, we will see that she did not ask forgiveness, but Jesus said to her. "I do not condemn you either. Go. From now on sin no more." Again, in this passage of scripture you will see that she does not ask for Christ's forgiveness, but it is clearly given to her.

Even in Luke 23, one of the criminals being crucified next to Jesus, was forgiven and promised a place in paradise. The criminal did not ask specifically for forgiveness, but he asked to be "remembered" by Jesus.

These three Biblical accounts lead us to believe that perhaps we are to forgive everyone, at all times, no matter the offense.

Camp 2
God's word instructs us regarding forgiveness.

"If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness." 1 John 1:9

I would have to say that is some pretty straight forward instruction right there. We ask. He forgives. How does that apply in our daily walk as Christians? Are we to forgive as He does in 1 John, only when someone seeks forgiveness from us? 1 John indicates that once we confess He forgives. There is no stipulation on what kind of sin, it isn't sin specific, it encompasses all sin. We have to start the dialogue with Him.

When we become "born again" believers in Christ, we come to Him. We ask His forgiveness. He forgives us. Does this work the same way with the people in our lives? Are we not required forgive unless they ask us first? I can think of a few people that I am going to be waiting until.....well...somewhere freezes over before they would come seeking my forgiveness. The question is, "Am I to wait to forgive them?"

In Conclusion...for now
As I have indicated above, this is me "typing out-loud". This in no way indicates me belonging to a certain camp. I can honestly say I lean more toward Camp 1. Time and time again in scripture we see Jesus setting the example and forgiving, without people ever asking His forgiveness. (And this can go in a "whole 'nother" direction. People we are waiting to ask forgiveness of us and they don't even realize they need to.) He went to the cross to ensure our opportunity for eternal life. We didn't ask for it.  But we ask for it when we come to realize our need for Him.

I think that Camp 2 makes it easier for us as humans to withhold forgiveness, especially when we don't want to forgive. There have been several times where I would say I was a true blue member of Camp 2, but mostly because I personally didn't want to have to forgive.

Of course we can always move in the direction that forgiveness isn't about them. It is about me. If I don't forgive, I carry it and it can fester and make me a bitter person. To forgive another frees me of that burden.

When the day ends I don't think it matters which camp you might think you belong to. I think it all boils down to Matthew 6:12.
"And forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors."

God will forgive us as we have forgiven others. Whether you think you are in Camp 1 or Camp 2 does not matter. You will be forgiven as you have forgiven.

If I had to pick a side on which to error, I think it would be on the side of giving more forgiveness rather than less. Giving more forgiveness takes more work, but I really feel quite positive it is the way He is leading us.

Coming Next: Forgiveness vs. "Forgetness"

Uncommonly Common

Recently, I have been re-reading My Utmost for His Highest by Oswald Chambers. I'm not sure if I've said this before, but it is one of those reads that you need to re-read, over and over again throughout your life. It is so packed full of Holy Spirit, gifted, insight that you cannot even hope to take even a portion of it in, in just one reading. How I wish my insight and thoughts would run that deep! A couple of days ago I read the following. I have been pondering it since then.

"We always know when Jesus is at work because He produces in the common place something that is inspiring."

At first I thought. "What?" Then I read it over a couple of times more. I began to ask myself. "What is something in life that I have found inspiring in the midst of the common, daily events of life?" It took me a little while to find something, and then like a waterfall it all came pouring down over me. The first thought that took over my mind, was that of a dew drops on a blade of grass.



Be sure to notice the reflections in the dew drops!

My husband and I own a little piece of property in the country. I love to drive out there, in the early morning and enjoy the dew sparking, on the grass, as the sun rises in the sky. It is a breathtaking sight. If you don't mind getting your sneakers wet, you can walk into the high grass and see dew drops on the individual blades of grass. If you don't mind getting all of you wet, you can look closer and see tiny reflections and rainbows in those shiny little drops of dew. It is amazing! Dew drops are common enough. They happen just about every morning, but looking closer you get a glimpse of the inspiring picture of the beauty of God's creation in that common, tiny droplet.

Don't you just want to be here sitting in an Adirondack chair, reading God's word,
wearing a soft polar fleece jacket and enjoying a mug of hot coffee?
What an inspiring way to start the day!

Well, then the waterfall happened. Ideas of the uncommonly common started pouring into my mind. What about morning? Morning happens...well... every morning. That may seem common, but really it can be pretty inspiring if you are up to view it. How about the sun shining? That happens regularly, but what happens when it reflects on a peaceful lake, or reflects on the bright hues of autumn leaves? What about babies? Commonly, they are born everyday, but each one is inspiringly different, equipped with his or her own character traits, quirks, likes and dislikes. How about a seed that has fallen to the ground, seemingly discarded from the branches of a tree. It's a common occurrence, but what about the tree that grows where the seed fell?

What about Jesus?

Jesus was born as a poor, common infant, to poor common people, in a poor common stable. He became common, to do the most inspiring, uncommon thing in all of history...dying for our sins. It seems to me that God enjoys hiding inspiring treasures in those things that seem very common to us.

I wonder....
How many inspiring treasures from God we miss, when we consider something common and not worth our time?  How many inspiring views have I missed? How many inspiring people have I overlooked? How many missed opportunities?

I have come to the conclusion that there is something uncommon about the common.

God works there. He sent His son to work there.
I want to work there too.

"And the Word became flesh, and dwelt among us, and we saw His glory, glory as of the only begotten, from the Father, full of grace and truth." John 1:14






God's Got It



I am sitting here in the middle of a whirlwind of activity right now, that I did not plan.  Doesn't it seem, at times, that life is going on around you while you have little to no control over your circumstances? It is as if you are sitting in front of a large screen TV watching a story unfold, knowing all the time that God has His all powerful hand on the next twist and turn of the story. He knows how it is going to end. You know this in your head, but are you living like you believe it?

As much as I don't like feeling like I have no control over my circumstances, I have learned over time to sit back and rest in the knowledge that God's got it and I don't have to. There are several things that are going on at the moment that seem huge and not all that enjoyable. However, I do look forward with anticipation to see how God is going to work things out. His plan always surpasses anything that I can conjure up in my mind.

It's funny how we try to "play God", when we find ourselves being tossed about on the waves of life. I think on how I might work things out, of course to my own best personal benefit. I try and guess how He is going to handle my circumstances, even perhaps willing that He just might do as I suggested. How ludicrous of me! Then of course the phrase "God is God and I am not." runs through my mind, reminding me to rest in his arms peacefully knowing that whatever is coming next, He's got it.

So, today if you find yourself grasping for control of situations you didn't really ever have control over in the first place, sit back, relax and remember....God's Got It!

May our Lord Jesus Christ himself and God our Father, who loved us and by his grace gave us eternal encouragement and good hope.  2 Thessalonians 2:16

The "Perfect Day"

I have a friend who I share an affinity with for "perfect days". We have the same idea of what a "perfect day" looks like and all we have to say to each other is that it is a "perfect day" and we know what it means!  Before you take off in a direction I am not intending to go, let me define my idea the "perfect day".  See picture below.

Nuff said.....

A "perfect day" to me is one when the sun is shining, the sky is that beautiful indescribable blue, there are few white fluffy clouds placed here and there, and the temperature is between 70-75 degrees, with an occasional breeze, just for my enjoyment. The past two days in Cuba, New York have been perfect days! One thing that I now enjoy about "perfect days" is that even when I have to work I can still go outside. I am so grateful to the people and hands that have made this possible. The amazing picnic table pictured below is my "other desk".

My other desk...on the back porch.




Let me share with you the advent of my very first recognized "perfect day". It was August 29, 2001, my very first birthday celebrated without my mother, who had passed in October of the previous year. My mother and I always used to chuckle about how it "always" rained on my birthday, at least at some point during the day. Even the day I was born was a deluge per my mother. I remember one birthday in particular having no electricity because there had been bad storms all day. It wasn't anything terrible really, but as a child I remember always wishing for a sunny birthday-all day long.

That day in 2001, I was attending an informational insurance meeting for my husband's office. When I left that morning it was gray and foggy out. It matched my mood to some degree, as I was missing my annual 'good morning birthday call', from my mom. I drove through the fog to the meeting and of course since it was an informational insurance meeting, it was boring. The really amusing part came when they had a prize drawing of all the people registered in attendance at the meeting. I won the drawing! Cool on my birthday and everything!! You'll never guess what I won. Go ahead. Guess!

Yep....an umbrella! (with the insurance company's logo on it of course) Wow. I couldn't help thinking how appropriate that prize was. It was my birthday. It was going to rain at some point. My mother and I would have had a great laugh over that. That made me miss her more. Following the meeting I made my way out to the car with my new umbrella in hand. It wasn't until I was halfway home that I realized that it wasn't raining, at all. It didn't even look like it was going to rain. As a matter of fact, if I had to conjure up the most "perfect day" in my mind, that day was it. I pulled off along side the country road I was driving, rolled down the windows, turned off the ignition, and sat enjoying the beautiful day surrounding me. I couldn't stop the tears that were running down my face. I couldn't help but imagine (and yes I know the theology on this isn't the best) that my Mom went to God and told Him how very much I wanted a sunny birthday. It was a true gift from God, but I will always wonder if my Mom wasn't behind it. I still cry tears of joy just thinking of it. It was a beautiful "perfect day".  It never rained that day. Whenever I encounter a "perfect day" like today I can't help but feel like God is smiling down on me, and maybe my Mom too.

My Mom has been in the presences of her Savior for 13 years this year.......and not once since she has been gone has it rained on my birthday....not even part of the day. Perhaps it will rain on my birthday sometime again, but I am grateful for the blessing given me  that day so many years ago and so many since. I treasure every "perfect day" I have the privilege of experiencing. I pretty much like all of the days, but "perfect days"...well there just aren't words to describe what they do for my heart.

"Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart."

Psalm 37:4

That day God knew the desire of my heart and comforted me in the way I most needed.

Encouragment for the Discouragement

Be merciful to me, Lord, for I am in distress; my eyes grow weak with sorrow, my soul and body with grief.  Psalm 31:9

A dark valley with awesome sunshine coming!

No one walking this earth is exempt from seasons of discouragement and personal struggle. I am no exception to this rule. The past couple of months have been particularly trying for me. Though, I am not going to share my heart here, I assure you that they have been difficult at best.

Let me be clear it is not a sin to have a season of discouragement or struggle. It is only a sin if you succumb to the discouragement or struggle. Jesus came to give us life more abundantly (John 10:10). Abundantly implies that we will experience much. There will be hills and valleys. We are to expect them. To be completely honest, I really like being on the peaks of joy overlooking the beauties of life. Who doesn't? It is awesome that we have those opportunities in life! Praise Him for those times when everything seems right with the world and your life!

But...it's also awesome to have those dark times in the valley. (I can hear you now. "What? Is she on pain medication for her back again?" I can assure you I am not. My back is feeling much better. Thank you.) Note that I said it was awesome. I did not say that it was fun.

Checking the definition of awesome to ensure clarity:
awesome- an overwhelming feeling  of reverence, admiration, fear, etc., produced by that which is grand, sublime, extremely powerful, or the like

Please keep in mind usually the awesome follows the valley. Although, sometimes it happens in the middle of the valley. Most often it follows. In my nearly 30 years as a Christian I have only had one experience where the awesome happened in the middle of the valley. (And let me tell you it was AWESOME!)

I will say it again. It is also awesome to have those dark times in the valley. "Why?, is your next question. Without those dark times in the valley you never truly learn to depend on God, the way He wants you to. You never truly experience His power, His divine love...HIM.  Everyday I long to experience Him, to know Him more, to love Him more and feel His love more. Generally that doesn't happen on the peaks. It happens in the valleys, in those times when it seems the world doesn't know or understand the experience you are laboring through. It happens when God has allowed every other means of support to seemingly be stripped away. It's those moments in the darkest night when you have only Him to call on, that you come to know the loving, caring, Father He truly is.

Now, do not hear what I am not saying - or read what I am not typing. I am not saying that the only way to truly know God is to experience hardship and struggle. There are many ways to grow in your relationship with God and to come to know Him more. I am saying that there is something deeply profound in coming to know your heavenly Father more as you walk through the dark days. Some of the most valuable lessons I have learned on my Christian walk have been on those days. Days that have gifted me with glimpses of my heavenly Father, that I would not have experienced otherwise- the undeniable comfort of His presence in tangible ways.

Something that God keeps impressing on me over and over...and I wonder when I am actually going to get it, is that He is all I need. Uh..yeah, you knew that. So do I, but God has been making me live it to learn it. During the last couple of months I have wanted to talk to friends and mentors whose advice I consider Godly and wise, but the opportunity has not been afforded me. I never felt I could burden them with my struggle. Perhaps, that wasn't God's plan for this time. Perhaps, His plan was for me to depend on Him and Him alone... this time. There is a place for wise counsel and advice, but maybe this time it was meant to be worked out with God alone.

Though my discouragement is not completely resolved, it is resolving. It required me really getting with God and relying on God to direct me in my next steps.  I really needed to tell Him like it was in my heart, not that He didn't already know. He has provided me with comfort and an ear that is always open 24/7 to hear the cries of my heart. Though in the grand scheme of things, my discouragement may seem minor, it is not minor to Him.

He loves all of us. He cares for all of us and He longs for us to cry out to Him, our Healer, our Comforter, our Father.

"But I will sing of your strength, in the morning I will sing of your love; for you are my fortress, my refuge in times of trouble."  Psalm 59:16

A "perfect day" on the mountain! 

The Perfect Qualities of Jesus

* Just a little disclaimer before I start thinking out loud. I am on pain medication since my back is currently not cooperating. So, my thinking out loud may not make sense...OR maybe it will make even more sense than it usually does, which would be a good thing for those of you who are regular participants in conversations with me. :-) 

"The most wonderful secret of living a holy life does not lie in imitating Jesus, but in letting the perfect qualities of Jesus exhibit themselves in my human flesh." Oswald Chambers

I have read this quote before, but never spent much time pondering this "wonderful secret". If any of you have been following me on Facebook you will have noticed the great quantities of Chamber's quotes showing up in my posts lately. It has been a while since I have picked up the book "My Utmost for His Highest". Last month I decided to delve back into it. It is one of those books you should read more than once. Of course, as with anything by Oswald Chambers there is a nugget of wisdom....or two...or more to be found on every page. If anything I find myself overwhelmed with the continuous flow of insight and acumen, tucked into the pages of this book

My Thoughts

As Christians we instructed regularly to imitate Christ in all we do. We are to be mindful in asking "What would Jesus do?", and act in such a way. There is absolutely nothing wrong with this. I see it as a starting point for all new believers and for anyone who has stumbled and fallen on their walk. We should turn to the pages of God's Word and look to Jesus as the example of who we are to become more like. Through His example we can learn compassion, giving, forgiveness, how to endure hardship, how to treat others, how to love, and so much more.

However, as Christians our acts of compassion, giving, love, forgiveness and more should be a natural outflowing of the Holy Spirit at work in our lives. We understand that we cannot earn our salvation by doing works or by imitating Jesus. We need to believe in the free gift of forgiveness given us through Jesus on the cross. The goodness of the Holy Spirit will flow out of our relationship with Him, through accepting Him as Savior.

I think, the point I am making (and remember I am on pain medication) is that it is a "both/and" situation. I think, for many of us, when we started out as new believers that we didn't know "how we should be" and the example Jesus gives us in scripture is a good starting point for all of us to imitate, but as time passes and our relationship with God deepens the good that should flow out of us comes through the "perfect qualities of Jesus" via the Holy Spirit working in our lives.

My friend and I were talking today after lunch. She was celebrating the changes in her husband over the last year and how he isn't the same person anymore after coming to Christ. We smiled together as we thought about how it used to be so difficult for him to do the "good things or the right things". It used to be a painful, active choice he had to consciously make, maybe even asking, "What would Jesus do?" Now, doing the good thing and doing the right thing is just as natural as breathing for him. It is the overflow of the Holy Spirit at work in his life. It is a wonderful thing to see. Something my friend and I celebrate!

This made me spend some time thinking about where I was as a Christian in the beginning and where I am now, almost thirty years later. There truly is a significant difference between my attempts at imitating Christ then and what He is doing through me now. (I'm not bragging in any way here. Just taking a moment to turn around to see and test my thoughts.) Take a moment and recall your earlier days and you will see that somehow, somewhere along the line, as your relationship with God was growing, that your works and struggles of imitation, slowly became the "perfect qualities of Jesus" exhibiting themselves in your human flesh. Did you realize how profoundly God was working in your life?

It is my hope and prayer that as we (me, you, my brothers and sisters in Christ) continue to grow in our relationship with Christ that we will be used more and more by God, through the Holy Spirit to share the "perfect qualities of Jesus" to even greater degrees with those in our lives. When His perfect qualities are flowing out, the world can't help but notice and want Him too!