Forgiveness vs. "Forgetness"



Forgiveness vs. Forgetness
I realize that forgetness is not a real word, but it has been a word in my vocabulary for many years. Like most people I have experienced some very significant hurts in my lifetime and like most people there have been times when I have struggled to forgive those who have hurt me. After my last blog you will realize that I tend to fall on the side of forgiving more, rather than less. Thought it is not easy to forgive, I think it is even more difficult to forget. (Can I get an "Amen" to that?)

I find there are two questions that run through my mind when I am dealing with forgetness.
1. Am I supposed to forget what happened?
2. If I am supposed to forget what happened, how do I do that?

Well, to our relief the Bible does offer some counsel on this subject. Really it does.

Question 1
"Am I supposed to forget what happened?"

Behold, I send you out as sheep in the midst of wolves; so be as shrewd as serpents and as innocent as doves.  Matthew 10:16

What do we know about the relationship between sheep and wolves? It's pretty simple. Wolves think sheep are tasty. It would behoove (he, he, he behoove) us as sheep to walk into the world prepared. Part of that preparation is learning from the past. If we have been hurt, naturally we will remember. By no means should we hold a grudge, but by all means we should learn from our past and apply what we have learned to our future. We should be as shrewd as serpents and as innocent as doves.  Wisely learn from your past. Wisely apply it to your future.

Question2
"If I am supposed to forget what happened,  how do I do that?"

Okay, this is the part where you have some control of what you forget. Perhaps forgetting here isn't so much a one time deal, but an ongoing choice.

Finally brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things.  Philippians 4:8

Forgetness is a choice. Yep. It is a choice. What do you spend your time thinking on? Is it true? Is it honorable? Is it right? Is it pure? Is it lovely or of good repute? Is it excellent or praise worthy?

This is probably the area which I have struggled the most. I struggled so much, I thought maybe I didn't really forgive. In my head I would know that I forgave. I know I offered forgiveness. I know  when I gave the forgiveness the burden was lifted from my life. I felt it. I would later become so disappointed with myself. Why did the memories plague me? Why couldn't I forget? See Philippians 4:8. I can almost guarantee if you are struggling with forgetting the past and moving on with the future you are not applying Philippians 4:8.

Satan will try to replay those terrible memories over and over in your mind. It is up to you, with God's Holy Spirit power to "take every thought captive" (2 Corinthians10:5b).  It is not easy to do, but it is not impossible. Start praying as soon as the negative thoughts and memories start to surface. Give them to God and ask for His strength to choose your thoughts, using Philippians 4:8 as your guide for what to dwell upon. Do not dwell on the unchangeable past. Dwell on what is excellent and praise worthy.

Many times the forgiveness comes easier than the forgetness. It is my prayer that if you steep yourself in the promises of God that you will be able to truly experience the forgetness you need to live a life free painful past memories.

Forgiveness 1

"And forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors."
Matthew 6:12

This is one that I have spent years and years working on, and continue to do so to this very day. Of course I want God to forgive my debts! Who doesn't want that?  The question is, "Do I want to forgive others the way I want Christ to forgive me?" It is one of the basic Christian directives that we all know we must comply with, but also one with which we struggle on our journey toward heaven.

The subject of forgiveness has come up several times this past week while I was at work, in my travels, and even in my home. It seems there are currently two camps regarding the logistics of forgiveness. My boss and I were discussing these the other day. I am not sure which camp I am in some days. I still waffle back and forth between the two depending on the day and the scripture reference.

Camp 1:  "As a Christian I should forgive everyone, at all times, no matter what the offense.

Camp 2: "As a Christian I need to forgive as Christ forgives. As a believer I came to Him, confessed my sins and asked His forgiveness. I need to forgive those who have sought my forgiveness as I sought Christ's forgiveness.

They both sound plausible.  They both make me think hard....hard enough to get a headache. (Could someone get me some Tylenol? I think I am going to need it.)

I am going to try and "unpack" these camps here.  As I look at scripture I see two "different" kinds of forgiveness. This is by no means a conclusive list of what each of these camps entail, but they are my lists of my "out loud thinking/typing". Feel free to chime in with your own thoughts on either or both camps. I am certainly not done thinking on this myself and welcome any further insight.

Camp 1
Jesus is our example of forgiveness. In John 4:7-38 we read the account of the Samaritan woman at the well. Though Jesus talks with her and she believes in Him, she does not ask Him for forgiveness. She does ask Him for the living water, but not specifically for forgiveness. Was she forgiven by Christ at that time? She went back to town and spread the word about Him. Did he forgive her? Did she realize she should ask for forgiveness?

In John 8, we read about the adulterous woman. When all is said and done, we will see that she did not ask forgiveness, but Jesus said to her. "I do not condemn you either. Go. From now on sin no more." Again, in this passage of scripture you will see that she does not ask for Christ's forgiveness, but it is clearly given to her.

Even in Luke 23, one of the criminals being crucified next to Jesus, was forgiven and promised a place in paradise. The criminal did not ask specifically for forgiveness, but he asked to be "remembered" by Jesus.

These three Biblical accounts lead us to believe that perhaps we are to forgive everyone, at all times, no matter the offense.

Camp 2
God's word instructs us regarding forgiveness.

"If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness." 1 John 1:9

I would have to say that is some pretty straight forward instruction right there. We ask. He forgives. How does that apply in our daily walk as Christians? Are we to forgive as He does in 1 John, only when someone seeks forgiveness from us? 1 John indicates that once we confess He forgives. There is no stipulation on what kind of sin, it isn't sin specific, it encompasses all sin. We have to start the dialogue with Him.

When we become "born again" believers in Christ, we come to Him. We ask His forgiveness. He forgives us. Does this work the same way with the people in our lives? Are we not required forgive unless they ask us first? I can think of a few people that I am going to be waiting until.....well...somewhere freezes over before they would come seeking my forgiveness. The question is, "Am I to wait to forgive them?"

In Conclusion...for now
As I have indicated above, this is me "typing out-loud". This in no way indicates me belonging to a certain camp. I can honestly say I lean more toward Camp 1. Time and time again in scripture we see Jesus setting the example and forgiving, without people ever asking His forgiveness. (And this can go in a "whole 'nother" direction. People we are waiting to ask forgiveness of us and they don't even realize they need to.) He went to the cross to ensure our opportunity for eternal life. We didn't ask for it.  But we ask for it when we come to realize our need for Him.

I think that Camp 2 makes it easier for us as humans to withhold forgiveness, especially when we don't want to forgive. There have been several times where I would say I was a true blue member of Camp 2, but mostly because I personally didn't want to have to forgive.

Of course we can always move in the direction that forgiveness isn't about them. It is about me. If I don't forgive, I carry it and it can fester and make me a bitter person. To forgive another frees me of that burden.

When the day ends I don't think it matters which camp you might think you belong to. I think it all boils down to Matthew 6:12.
"And forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors."

God will forgive us as we have forgiven others. Whether you think you are in Camp 1 or Camp 2 does not matter. You will be forgiven as you have forgiven.

If I had to pick a side on which to error, I think it would be on the side of giving more forgiveness rather than less. Giving more forgiveness takes more work, but I really feel quite positive it is the way He is leading us.

Coming Next: Forgiveness vs. "Forgetness"