Encouragment for the Discouragement

Be merciful to me, Lord, for I am in distress; my eyes grow weak with sorrow, my soul and body with grief.  Psalm 31:9

A dark valley with awesome sunshine coming!

No one walking this earth is exempt from seasons of discouragement and personal struggle. I am no exception to this rule. The past couple of months have been particularly trying for me. Though, I am not going to share my heart here, I assure you that they have been difficult at best.

Let me be clear it is not a sin to have a season of discouragement or struggle. It is only a sin if you succumb to the discouragement or struggle. Jesus came to give us life more abundantly (John 10:10). Abundantly implies that we will experience much. There will be hills and valleys. We are to expect them. To be completely honest, I really like being on the peaks of joy overlooking the beauties of life. Who doesn't? It is awesome that we have those opportunities in life! Praise Him for those times when everything seems right with the world and your life!

But...it's also awesome to have those dark times in the valley. (I can hear you now. "What? Is she on pain medication for her back again?" I can assure you I am not. My back is feeling much better. Thank you.) Note that I said it was awesome. I did not say that it was fun.

Checking the definition of awesome to ensure clarity:
awesome- an overwhelming feeling  of reverence, admiration, fear, etc., produced by that which is grand, sublime, extremely powerful, or the like

Please keep in mind usually the awesome follows the valley. Although, sometimes it happens in the middle of the valley. Most often it follows. In my nearly 30 years as a Christian I have only had one experience where the awesome happened in the middle of the valley. (And let me tell you it was AWESOME!)

I will say it again. It is also awesome to have those dark times in the valley. "Why?, is your next question. Without those dark times in the valley you never truly learn to depend on God, the way He wants you to. You never truly experience His power, His divine love...HIM.  Everyday I long to experience Him, to know Him more, to love Him more and feel His love more. Generally that doesn't happen on the peaks. It happens in the valleys, in those times when it seems the world doesn't know or understand the experience you are laboring through. It happens when God has allowed every other means of support to seemingly be stripped away. It's those moments in the darkest night when you have only Him to call on, that you come to know the loving, caring, Father He truly is.

Now, do not hear what I am not saying - or read what I am not typing. I am not saying that the only way to truly know God is to experience hardship and struggle. There are many ways to grow in your relationship with God and to come to know Him more. I am saying that there is something deeply profound in coming to know your heavenly Father more as you walk through the dark days. Some of the most valuable lessons I have learned on my Christian walk have been on those days. Days that have gifted me with glimpses of my heavenly Father, that I would not have experienced otherwise- the undeniable comfort of His presence in tangible ways.

Something that God keeps impressing on me over and over...and I wonder when I am actually going to get it, is that He is all I need. Uh..yeah, you knew that. So do I, but God has been making me live it to learn it. During the last couple of months I have wanted to talk to friends and mentors whose advice I consider Godly and wise, but the opportunity has not been afforded me. I never felt I could burden them with my struggle. Perhaps, that wasn't God's plan for this time. Perhaps, His plan was for me to depend on Him and Him alone... this time. There is a place for wise counsel and advice, but maybe this time it was meant to be worked out with God alone.

Though my discouragement is not completely resolved, it is resolving. It required me really getting with God and relying on God to direct me in my next steps.  I really needed to tell Him like it was in my heart, not that He didn't already know. He has provided me with comfort and an ear that is always open 24/7 to hear the cries of my heart. Though in the grand scheme of things, my discouragement may seem minor, it is not minor to Him.

He loves all of us. He cares for all of us and He longs for us to cry out to Him, our Healer, our Comforter, our Father.

"But I will sing of your strength, in the morning I will sing of your love; for you are my fortress, my refuge in times of trouble."  Psalm 59:16

A "perfect day" on the mountain! 

The Perfect Qualities of Jesus

* Just a little disclaimer before I start thinking out loud. I am on pain medication since my back is currently not cooperating. So, my thinking out loud may not make sense...OR maybe it will make even more sense than it usually does, which would be a good thing for those of you who are regular participants in conversations with me. :-) 

"The most wonderful secret of living a holy life does not lie in imitating Jesus, but in letting the perfect qualities of Jesus exhibit themselves in my human flesh." Oswald Chambers

I have read this quote before, but never spent much time pondering this "wonderful secret". If any of you have been following me on Facebook you will have noticed the great quantities of Chamber's quotes showing up in my posts lately. It has been a while since I have picked up the book "My Utmost for His Highest". Last month I decided to delve back into it. It is one of those books you should read more than once. Of course, as with anything by Oswald Chambers there is a nugget of wisdom....or two...or more to be found on every page. If anything I find myself overwhelmed with the continuous flow of insight and acumen, tucked into the pages of this book

My Thoughts

As Christians we instructed regularly to imitate Christ in all we do. We are to be mindful in asking "What would Jesus do?", and act in such a way. There is absolutely nothing wrong with this. I see it as a starting point for all new believers and for anyone who has stumbled and fallen on their walk. We should turn to the pages of God's Word and look to Jesus as the example of who we are to become more like. Through His example we can learn compassion, giving, forgiveness, how to endure hardship, how to treat others, how to love, and so much more.

However, as Christians our acts of compassion, giving, love, forgiveness and more should be a natural outflowing of the Holy Spirit at work in our lives. We understand that we cannot earn our salvation by doing works or by imitating Jesus. We need to believe in the free gift of forgiveness given us through Jesus on the cross. The goodness of the Holy Spirit will flow out of our relationship with Him, through accepting Him as Savior.

I think, the point I am making (and remember I am on pain medication) is that it is a "both/and" situation. I think, for many of us, when we started out as new believers that we didn't know "how we should be" and the example Jesus gives us in scripture is a good starting point for all of us to imitate, but as time passes and our relationship with God deepens the good that should flow out of us comes through the "perfect qualities of Jesus" via the Holy Spirit working in our lives.

My friend and I were talking today after lunch. She was celebrating the changes in her husband over the last year and how he isn't the same person anymore after coming to Christ. We smiled together as we thought about how it used to be so difficult for him to do the "good things or the right things". It used to be a painful, active choice he had to consciously make, maybe even asking, "What would Jesus do?" Now, doing the good thing and doing the right thing is just as natural as breathing for him. It is the overflow of the Holy Spirit at work in his life. It is a wonderful thing to see. Something my friend and I celebrate!

This made me spend some time thinking about where I was as a Christian in the beginning and where I am now, almost thirty years later. There truly is a significant difference between my attempts at imitating Christ then and what He is doing through me now. (I'm not bragging in any way here. Just taking a moment to turn around to see and test my thoughts.) Take a moment and recall your earlier days and you will see that somehow, somewhere along the line, as your relationship with God was growing, that your works and struggles of imitation, slowly became the "perfect qualities of Jesus" exhibiting themselves in your human flesh. Did you realize how profoundly God was working in your life?

It is my hope and prayer that as we (me, you, my brothers and sisters in Christ) continue to grow in our relationship with Christ that we will be used more and more by God, through the Holy Spirit to share the "perfect qualities of Jesus" to even greater degrees with those in our lives. When His perfect qualities are flowing out, the world can't help but notice and want Him too!

 

Back to Oakdale

My home in Oakdale, Pennsylvania.

Today I had the pleasure of returning to my hometown of Oakdale, Pennsylvania. I am not sure why but some of my fondest memories are of my childhood in Oakdale. My father worked in Pittsburgh at Delux Check Printers. My mom was a stay at home mom during that time of my life. When I think of the big old house on Noblestown Road, my mind is flooded with a myriad of fond memories, that at times bring tears to my eyes, as I long for those seemingly simple days of my childhood. I remember the swing set in the back yard under the crab-apple tree, that my brother Steve and I spent hours playing on. Still to this day the smell of apple blossoms transports me back in time. Just for a moment I am 4 years old and swinging on that swing set as high as my little legs could pump. I remember thinking if I pumped hard enough I would be able to touch the clouds with my feet. Just down from the swing-set was our garden. Each year our family worked together planting the garden. Mom and Dad would let each of us pick what seeds we would like to grow. I  always picked carrots because they were my favorite. Beyond the garden was the woods that grew along the hillside. It seemed like a pretty steep hill to me in my childhood. Perhaps, it was, but everything seems big when you are little. My older brother Matt, would drag the big-wheel bike up to the top of the hill and we would all take turns riding it down the hill and out of the woods into the side yard.

As we drove by the house, I looked at the front porch and remembered sitting on the swing with my Dad on chilly autumn nights. Next to the driveway was a big tree that was home to an owl. Dad and I would sit there and watch the owl watching us. Every once in a while we would be treated to a "whoo" or two from our neighbor in the tree. The tree isn't there anymore, but the memory is alive and well.

I remember riding down the road toward the house at Christmastime. My parents always decorated all of the windows and the porch. Candle wreathes adorned each window and the porch roof was outlined with big colorful bulbs. At night I would lay in my bed all tucked in after prayers and watch the lights that blinked through the frosty panes of glass, falling asleep with the joy and anticipation of Christmas in my mind.

At Easter my brothers and I would stand in the side yard near the creek while Dad would take pictures of us in our Easter best. Mom would work tirelessly to make sure we all had a new outfit for Easter Mass. I remember St. Patrick's Church where I first came to realize what Jesus did for me on the cross. I was six years old at my first realization of what Jesus had done for me. I remember that day so clearly. I need only to close my eyes and I am there.

St. Patrick's Roman Catholic Church. Where I first began to realize what Jesus had done for me!

These are just a couple of the numerous happy memories that filled my mind today as I went home to my first home. The town is the same, but different. The house is the same, but different. The memories are the same and unchanging. What a blessing it is to have such pleasant memories to enjoy looking back on.

I think I want to go back again and take some pictures and write down as many memories as I can, while I still have the ability to do so. I think it would make a neat story book for my kids and grandkids someday.

Learning from the Past

I've decided I much prefer looking ahead......

Last night, after a busy day and evening working, I decided that I would take a drive out and join the small group assembled at a local restaurant and bar for our 25th high school reunion. Out of the 64 students who graduated from our class, only nine were in attendance including me. In all honesty our class was never much of a motivated group, me included. My sights were not set high in high school. I think my main personal goal was to escape as unscathed as possible. That was accomplished by keeping quiet, minding my own business, and avoiding anything that might call negative attention to myself. Naturally, there was the "in" group and the "out" group and then of course the nameless rabble who fit in neither group. I am not sure if I was in the "out" group or in the mix with the nameless rabble. I was most definitely not in the "in" group and I was okay with that on several different levels. First of all I respected my parents too much to do the things some of my classmates were doing. I couldn't hurt them that way. Second, I didn't really like what I saw happening in the "in" group. They were pretty rotten to the "out" group and anyone who was struggling from being raised in a poverty stricken home (which is not rare here) and sometimes they were even pretty rotten amongst themselves. I actively wanted no part of it. Third, I somehow knew that I was not worthless, but very valuable, despite being part of the nameless rabble. I knew God had something to offer this world through me. I just had to wait for it. Fourth, I just couldn't bring myself to be so cruel and thoughtless to other people.  I think that those in the "in" group found me uninteresting and immature. Mostly, because I did not enjoy the "pleasures" they enjoyed. I never saw picking on Aaron or Charmaine and others an interesting past time. I never saw going out and getting wasted as something that would endear me to my classmates or somehow make me more "grown-up", I remember one day in particular in my senior year. It was toward the end of the year, close to graduation. I was relieved to be almost finished. I was in my afternoon art class and as usual I was keeping quiet and staying out of harms way. One of the more "mature" girls from my class announced to the whole art class that there was only one person in the room who was a virgin and that it was Megan. I remember my face getting so hot. I remember making sure that I didn't look at anyone else in the room. I did however look at the girl who said it. It was one of those "Really? I can't believe you just said that .", kind of looks. And really, I couldn't. Why? Who really cares anyway? Thankfully, our art teacher, who was battling cancer at the time and very sick put a stop to the conversation. Another more compassionate member of our class shot back a nasty retort on my behalf. I never understood the reason for that comment, other than to bait me and perhaps make me appear immature, and briefly I probably did. It wasn't until much later that I realized my true maturity during my high school years. My choices, were exactly that- my choices. They were not the product of peer pressure. They were not the product of me attempting to grow up faster than I should. I didn't waste my efforts trying to fit in. My ideas and understanding of my own personal value and the value of others was firmly rooted in who I was and was unchangeable. I am grateful for that and for what my parents instilled in me as I was growing up.
Last night as I sat looking around the table at some of the people I had spent my last 10 years of my public school education with,  my eyes were opened. No one around that table was any less nervous or insecure than I was, throughout our high school years. We all coped the best we could, navigating the rough waters of our teen years with the resources we each had at our disposal. For so many the desire to be accepted and loved was paramount to everything else, even the feelings of others. At that realization my heart broke a little for each of my classmates. Though I did not go around intentionally hurting anyone, neither did I realize where their actions were stemming from, nor did I have compassion on them. I was too busy preserving myself.

They say that hind sight is 20/20. What a blessing that would have been to see the hearts and hurts of my classmates so clearly 25 years ago. I cannot go back to those days, neither do I wish to. But perhaps the lessons I learned from looking back will make me a better more compassionate person in the future.

"For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the faith God has distributed to each of you."
Romans 12:3

The Volunteer Heart

 

What VBS Volunteers Look Like

Marti and boys going to wash some sticky fingers

How can I possibly express the gratitude I feel each night of VBS? Tonight, as I made the rounds to the various Vacation Bible School activity stations, the feelings of gratitude and appreciation already firmly planted in my heart for my volunteer staff continued to grow. They always do. I am not sure my volunteer staff sees what I see when they look around every night. My guess is they do not. These are just some the glimpses I get as make my rounds each evening.

1. People who love God.
2. People who love children
3. People who have already put in a full day then come to VBS and put in more
4. People with God given quantities of patience
5. People with generous hearts, using their gifts and talents for Him
6. People who are willing to learn the moves to songs, even if they  look silly doing them!


Volunteers Katy and Shelby

    (I'm included in this. I usually learn them first.)
7. People who give approximately 12-15 hours of extra time to the
    work of God's kingdom in just this one week alone
8. People who are willing to step up and step in wherever they are   
    needed
    (Just ask Batman and his helpers - see below)
9. People who aren't afraid of a week of hard work
10. People who are some of the best hands a feet God has!
11. People I am honored and privileged to work with!
12. People being the church


Max, Carlos and Joshua

Do you know that one of the top frustrations of the average children's pastor is the lack of good volunteer help? I can't tell you the number of articles I have read on this one frustration alone. In all honesty I cannot say that I have truly experienced that at North Park. As a children's pastor I daily count my blessings for the many faithful, dedicated volunteers that God has sent to this ministry to do His work. I have to laugh when the volunteers point to me and say I make it happen, because I am pointing right back at them saying they make it happen.....but ultimately it's GOD that makes it happen through the people who have obediently answered His call to minister to the children of our community.

 

Tonight as I lay myself down to sleep and pray the Lord my soul to keep, I will be once again thanking God for His provision of these wonderful people to our children's ministry, our church and our community. We are all blessed beyond measure by what God is doing through them. My prayer is that they will blessed in return double the measure they have given this week!

We had a surprise visitor tonight during VBS. These are my "Bat-Men and Bat-Women" who removed our uninvited guest following tonight's program. Thankfully none of the kids noticed our visitor until we were finished and most everyone had gone home. I can't even imagine a room full of 50 plus children freaking out over a bat! Thank you Matt, Marti, Billy and Rosetta!

 

The Blessing of a Life-long Friend & A Plate Update

"Decorative Dinner Plates" on the front office wall.

Front Office Plate Update:  Some of you have asked and I almost forgot to share. My boss finally noticed the food pictures on the plates 5 days after I stuck them on. Marisa was supposed to text me when someone noticed, but apparently she forgot. No one else has noticed up to this point.

Today, I had the pleasure of going to lunch with my friend Jennifer. We have been friends since the 6th grade. I won't say how many years ago that was, but suffice to say it's a lot. My friendship with Jennifer has taken many twists and turns throughout the years. There were times when we lived hundreds of miles from each other. There were times when we had chosen different paths that did not meet. The amazing thing is that no matter where life has taken us, whenever we get back together it is as if not a single day has passed. We share our stories, laughs, sorrows, regrets, and joys, just like we did in 6th grade. What is even more funny is that Jennifer and I couldn't be more different. We have always been that way and we have always easily accepted each other just as God made us. Every time I spend a day with Jennifer I laugh, and not just a little chuckle here and there, but a good old fashioned belly laugh. Perhaps, that is because nearly every time I spend a day with Jennifer something weird happens. Generally speaking it isn't anything we do....stuff just happens.
Not so many months ago Jennifer and I got together for lunch at the local "greasy spoon". (Actually, the spoons are quite clean. My daughter is the dishwasher there, and she is quite meticulous.) We chose a table at the front window. As we sat enjoying lunch an older gentleman drove up and was attempting to parallel park in front of my car. Jennifer and I watched as the man worked for several minutes trying to get his car into the enormous spot in front of my car. As we watched, the conversation went something like this:
"He's going to hit my car."
"No, he isn't. He's got plenty of room."
"He's going to hit my car."
"No he isn't!"
"Yes, he is!"
"He will not!"
"Yes, he will!"
Each time we commented our conversation became more excited and animated. That if course drew the attention of the other diners and before long everyone, including the waitress, was looking out the front window to see what was going to happen. (Note this is a good indicator that you live in a small town. Everyone takes an interest in your business.)
He hit my car.
Everyone in the restaurant took in a collective gasp. Jennifer and I burst out laughing. I told her so! He didn't hit my car hard. I don't even think he knew did it, or he used the impact as an indicator to know he was parked. He climbed out of his compact car and shuffled off down the street to his destination, seemingly oblivious to what he had done. When we finished lunch, I went out to look at the front of my car. There wasn't a mark that I could see. He jostled my car around a bit, and other than a little bend in the license plate, there wasn't any damage that I could see.
Jennifer and I have a treasure trove of "incidents", that have seasoned our friendship over the years. I sometimes wonder what is going to happen next, but I try to leave that in God's hands and not worry about it. Every outing with Jennifer is an adventure.

All this to say, that I am blessed to have such a friendship in my life. It is the long lasting, enduring kind that is for real. Jennifer is for real. Our friendship is for real. I am grateful to God for Jennifer and the joy she has brought to my life over the years. I truly count her as one of my many blessings!

 

My friend Jennifer!

 

Summer 2012

Enjoy the "Right Nows"

The past few weeks have been a little hectic getting ready for VBS, Family Camp and Kid's Camp. Paring all of that with the normal weekly responsibilities of children's ministry and attempting to spend daily time with the kids while they are on summer vacation has been a little overwhelming to say the least. I was fitting it all in, but I was not enjoying it at all, like I normally do. I was busy living for what came next on my list of responsibilities rather than living in, and enjoying the moment I was currently in. I was getting a little cranky around the edges too. My kid's kept asking me why I wasn't smiling. Apparently, I must smile quite a bit on a daily basis. I didn't realize that until now.

The past couple of days I have been "forced" to take breaks that I initially didn't want to take. Now don't take this negatively. "Forced" is a pretty ugly word when it is used to describe something that most people would look forward to and enjoy. Sadly though, I had become so focused on what was coming up next that I wasn't enjoying the "right now" at all. No wonder I wasn't smiling. You can't smile at the "right now" if you aren't even taking time to enjoy it. In my prayer time I have been asking God to show me how to smile again. I knew I was feeling a little down and I really couldn't put my finger on what was causing me to feel that way. I knew that the responsibilities of ministry have been a little heavy right now, but generally speaking that is something I thrive in. Ministry energizes me. It isn't something that takes away from me...or maybe it does sometimes and I never noticed before.

In the past four days, I have been "forced" to take some breaks. I "had to" visit a friend and mentor. I "had to" visit my step-sons. I "had to" go to a picnic on Cuba Lake and watch the fireworks. I "had to" go to my brother's house for a picnic and swimming. I "had to" take the kids to the movies. I "had to" go to a graduation party. Normally, these are all things that I love to do. There is never a "had to" about it, but I had become so focused on my "To Do" list that I wasn't taking full advantage of the rest, relaxation and refreshment in the things I "had to" do.  Today, after having spent the last four days doing things that I "had to" do, I found my smile again. It's not a half a smile or one put on just for my kids. It's back all the way.  Some lessons in life you have to learn the hard way. No matter how much ministry energizes me, I still need to take those breaks and stop to enjoy the "right nows". If you are feeling harried and hurried I encourage you to stop and take the time to enjoy right now. No "To Do" list is worth missing out on the right now that God has blessed you with.

Dancing at Kortnei's graduation party.

Is it the 4th?

One of the first thoughts that hit my mind as I woke up today was:
"It's the 4th of July." I remember celebrating Independence Day as a child. It was so much fun. There was always something going on. I think people knew how to celebrate our freedom better back then. I remember colorful patriotic parades down the main street in my hometown in Pennsylvania. I remember one year in particular when my family attended a fantastic picnic at a friend's house. The day was hot and sunny. All of my favorite friends were there to play with. We played hard, rolling down the grassy hill on the side of the house. The adults played inning after inning of softball. We cooked out hot dogs and hamburgers. There were salads galore and of course soda pop! Soda pop was a very special treat back then. I enjoyed my fair share that day.  All of us kids took turns cranking the handle on the old ice cream maker and enjoyed the fruit of our labor as it dribbled down our dirty chins. When it got dark, we had sparklers.

What fun it was to try and write your name in air and watch it disappear as quickly as you formed the letters. I remember my mom's friend Susan trying to keep up with the demand for freshly lit sparklers for each of the kids. As the hour got later we all took blankets and lawn chairs and climbed the short hill behind the house to watch the fireworks display in the next town over. We were not disappointed as we watched each launch explode in an amazing display of color and light. The view was perfect. I remember that being one of the best ever fireworks displays I had ever seen in my short six years of life. That night I went home completely covered in dirt from head to toe. My once neat pony-tails that my mom so painstakingly put in that morning were lopsided and almost completely fallen out. I remember falling into bed that night so completely exhausted, but unable to sleep because of the excitement of the day. It was a good day. It was the 4th of July, celebrated in the way our freedom should be celebrated.

Plate Update and Other Stuff

Well, it is Monday afternoon and still no one has noticed the plates of food on the front office wall. Granted, no one really comes into the office much over the weekend, but the pictures have been on the plates since last Thursday. Maybe tomorrow our boss will notice when he has his weekly meeting with Marisa. We'll see.

As for "other stuff", our cat Alfie escaped our house last night. Leo came downstairs this morning and found one of the screens in the dining room windows pushed out. No Alfie, no Boyfriend (one of our other cats). Annie woke this morning to a wild, ruckus of bird chatter outside her window. When she looked out she found Boyfriend outside. He had captured a bird and the other birds were none too happy about it. Annie quickly ran downstairs and outside to rescue the bird. Not sure if the bird made it or not after Annie got it away from the cat. We didn't notice Alfie was missing until much later in the morning. He usually makes himself scarce. We looked high and low for him, in the cupboards and even the basement. No luck. Alex went up and down the street shaking a container of cat treats. Alfie usually comes running for them. Still no Alfie. I came back to work and sent Facebook messages alerting all of our neighbors and friends of our missing cat. No sooner had I finished then Annie called to let me know that Alfie came sauntering and stretching out of the basement. Stinkin' cat. Now I have to tell everyone he never even left the house.  Oh well..glad he is safe and sound.